Sunday, June 23, 2013

Baffling Stupidity of the Book of Revelation

Absurd and Terrible Things Held to be True

If Christians are victors in the last days WHY do they keep trying to change what's happening?
     You would think that if believers truly believe that the world will end just as Revelation says it will they would not worry about anything, right? I mean, the Bible is very clear when it comes to which side achieves victory. Which side is that? God's side. That being the case I find it perplexing that so many Christians/believers sit around their spiritual campfire telling stories of how everything is already at the doors of hell and how all of God's children must be on the lookout for the evil surrounding them. 

     Some of these people even try to stop these supposed terrible things from happening as is shown in the ideologies of those evangelical groups that are always hatching some dumb-ass delusional plan to 'take America back' for Jesus. Groups like this are particularly devoid of logic and fail to realize that in their very own religious texts it states that Satan will gain control of everything in the end times of the Bible. EVERYTHING.

     So on the one hand you have religious groups claiming that the Bible is absolute truth and nothing can change anything as foretold in the Bible, and on the other hand you have religious groups trying to prevent these things from happening even though the Bible says they absolutely will. Do you see the stupidity of this? These idiots cannot have it both ways. They cannot say that the Bible is absolute truth and all of these really bad and scary and terrible things of the end times are happening at this very moment and then turn around and try to change these things from happening. To try to do so is to try to go against God's own words from the Bible.

     Evangelical John Hagee is notorious for his fiery and passionate sermons in which he often states that the last days are NOW.

     Hagee is also notorious for urging atheists to leave America and that America is going to continue to be a Bible reading nation under God. The stupid bastard fails to recall that in his own Bible it notes that everything collapses as the nation pulls away from God. If Hagee is claiming the last days are here (which he does claim) he is wasting his breath in telling the atheists to leave because to do so is the opposite of what Hagee claims is happening according to the book of Revelation. Stupid mother fucker.

Revelation 9:16 says, "I heard the size of their army, which was 200 million mounted troops."
     Just for you rapture enthusiasts to know...there are only about 60 million horses in the entire world. And that is a generous number considering most counts put the number of horses at about 58 million. Seems like Senor Messiah is going to have to find almost one hundred forty-two million horses for His mega army somewhere else. Say, maybe Pappa God the Creator can whip up a batch of horses in an instant much like He created all of the land animals on the sixth day of Creation. Could be.

An army of robots is currently being created by our government?
     Some Christians watch wayyyy too much television while at the same time trying to connect the dots of movie fiction and Bible fiction. Idiots.

The book of Revelation cracked open? No, but I bet the people who believe this shit are on crack.
     Why do Christians constantly talk about 'putting the pieces of the puzzle' together when it comes to the last days? You would think that an all-powerful God could manage to get His message through to people in ONE piece instead of splinters and fragments of stories that the religiously deluded fight over.

Where do you get your claim that EVERYONE knows we are on the verge of apocalypse?
     No, you dumb asshole, everyone on the earth does not know or believe or think that humanity is on the verge of apocalypse. You DO like to claim such being as though it makes you and your violent visions for mankind appear as a possibility. And of course there are a lot of people who believe this because the media consistently portrays only the sad and scary and evil stories and situations of mankind and they do this because this type of news reporting makes a lot of money and draws a lot of attention. 

     All of the negative news reports make it look like there is far more evil in the world than there is good. This is a huge mistake since what is really happening is all of the good and happy and uplifting news is largely left out. Just because most of what is reported is bad that does not make everything bad. Just because good and happy news is rarely reported that does not mean good and happy and excellent things rarely happen.

It is always the same with you people...the earth is ALWAYS on the verge of God's total wrath.
     Hah! A new religion is emerging from Christianity and Islam? You are an idiot! These religions are not merging because they have always been the same. They are both built on ludicrous spiritual texts and ravings, both claim to be inspired by THE one and only divine being of the universe, both aim to run the world, both accuse the other of being the enemy or the infidel or the destroyer of all that is good, and both have killed and continue to kill in the name of their faith.

     The Antichrist will call down fire from heaven and make an inanimate object come to life? Hummm. Didn't God call down fire from the sky on Sodom and Gomorrah? Didn't God take some dirt and form it into the shape of a man (an inanimate object) and then bring it to life? So, when God does the very same things that you claim are evil it is okay? You people are fucking stupid.

Utter Stupidity
     This video would have you believe that very specific information about the last days are given in the Bible. Really? Is that why the predictions always fail and why various denominations bicker endlessly over when the last days are and when Jesus is most likely to return? That there is some specific information.

The mystery of the horsemen in Revelation revealed?
     Ahh, here we go again with 'alarming patterns' as foretold in the book of Revelation being brought to fruition. Jesus Christ, people. You have GOT to come up with a better story because the one you have now just isn't working out for you and your alarmist spirituality. God is SO powerful that He gives people signs about what is happening so they will not be fooled by the devil. 

     God brings this proof of truth to man so that those who understand will know what God is up to. This is utterly retarded, because if God's believers and followers already know and understand shouldn't God be giving this supposed irrefutable information to those who do NOT believe in God? If people already believe there is no point in revealing anything to them because they already know.

Look out Number Thirteen; you've got some competition.
     It appears as though the inherent bad luck and evil of the number thirteen is surpassed by that of the number seven.

The Shifting Paradigm
     See, if you have trouble swallowing the bullshit of the Bible all you have to do is get some special code from this same Bible that, much like a cereal box decoder ring, will decipher the nonsense banter of the Bible into something you can understand and that will make sense of everything that has ever happened in the world. And if you can stand just right and turn your head in just the right fashion you will be able to see all of the prophecies that Jesus and God want you to see in the precise manner in which they want you to see it.

Do you hear what I hear?
Uh-oh...I hear sounds I have never heard before. Since I have never heard it before or heard OF it that must mean it is a direct sign from heaven that Jesus is finally back from His two thousand year sabbatical. Quick! Repent! Put that last cookie back into the cookie jar and admit you are a sinner and need God.

     If those hell-bent on interpreting the strange sounds as divine in origin had simply taken the time to look up such phenomenon they not only would have found the truth, but they would not have frightened themselves or others so badly.

Do you see what I see?
     No matter what the disaster is many Christians find a way to integrate such things into their ideologies. It is both offensive and cruel that these religious nut-jobs would so callously label the suffering and tragedy of other people as a validating factor for Christianity and its tenement gospel.

Nothing New Here
     Check out the date of this video. Not the post date but the date it was made: 1978. Seems as though Christians back then were just as fanatical about Armageddon and the signs of the last days. Here we are, thirty-plus years later and STILL there are those who cling to biblical rubbish.

     Here we are with another misguided, but well-meaning interpretation of Revelation.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

The End Times: as Through the Eyes of the Delusional

The Rubbish of Rapture and Revelation:
Scaring People into Believing

     For the last two thousand years there has been no shortage of preachers, parishioners, and even entire religious groups claiming that the Second Coming of Jesus Christ is just around the corner. Now, either Jesus and God changed their minds as to who would be making another appearance, or that corner that must be turned in order to run into Jesus and the Tribulation must be one hell of a corner to turn. Two thousand years of pointless predictions and absolutely jack shit to show for it.

     Although the Bible states that no man knows the time of Jesus' supposed Second Coming that has not stopped some folks from trying to do just that. It is amazing how quickly people will take what they do not understand or what they think has never happened before and then chalk it all up to signs of Jesus' imminent return. Here are some predictions that completely flopped (the predictions ALWAYS flop) for you to take a gander at:

Predictions for 2013

This clip makes copious use of cheesy sounding music with lots and lots of trumpet sounds that I suppose are intended to come across to the viewer as the heralding of Jesus' return. It offers nothing new. Same crap, same lie.

More spooky music with a good peppering of some guy trying to sound like what God's or Jesus' voice would sound like.

You know, some people will do everything possible, and that includes making absurd 'connections' or stretching pure coincidence, to take every day circumstances and ascribe spiritual meaning to anything that validates the stupidity of religion. 

Predictions for 2012 Return of Jesus and Predictions MADE in 2012

Uhm, yeah...the "tornadoes on the sun" that you are referring to are solar flares. This is a natural for the sun. And for Pete's sake stop labeling everything you do not understand (including creepy sounds out of nowhere) as a sure sign of the end of the world.

Listen to the questions the voice in this clip is asking and then listen as the crowd responds with clapping. The voice asks, "Are you waiting for WWIII?" and everyone breaks out in applause. WTF?

Bible prophecy has absolutely dick to do with the natural geologic functions of this planet. Jesus does not fuck with the weather in an effort to warn man of his imminent return. 

Crack out your Bible and read the passages presented here and you will see how the religious ding-dongs of the world stretch the verses to fit their theories nice and snug.

This clip is so goddamn stupid it makes me angry. If what people are saying does not fit your religious prophecy all you have to do is play whatever they are saying BACKWARDS and then ascribe some deep and dark meaning to what you hear.

Why is the guy in this video whispering in an empty church?

Well, well, well. Nothing says Christianity is right like a Muslim converting to the proposed truth of the competing infidels.

This guy sounds like he has had two or three pots of coffee before he shot this video. His ideas are very disconnected and his examples of the ideas make no sense. Confucius say go home and come up with a better lie. This guy probably needs some Zoloft or lithium.

These guys are correct about seeing phenomenon but what they don't realize is they are NATURAL phenomenon.

This video is fairly long and if you plan to watch it all the way through I highly recommend you keep some booze handy.

Ah, Kenneth Copeland. This guy has been scaring people into the faith for many decades now.

Predictions for 2011

Here, a man resembling Kris Kringle (and sounding like he smoked a doobie right before his message transmission) gives his two cents worth of predictions.

Part two of the prophecy of Santa Clause.

Some people are so fucking stupid they actually make for good entertainment.

Another group vying for fifteen seconds of fame by making predictions of the Second Coming. 

This was too freaking funny to NOT put in the blog. 

Predictions for 2010

Oh my dear Jesus! This is hilarious!

The delusional fellow in this clip has carefully aligned his seat and his camera so that the cross in the background shows above his head.

Lady, it does not matter how sincere you are in your ridiculous religious claims. Sincerity is NOT a tool of validation.

What this guy fails to realize it that it isn't just the 2010 predictions that are false and stupid, but such things extend to the entire pie of religion. It is all a bunch of crap.

Situations Signaling Jesus' Imminent Return
     Of course there are far more predictions as to Jesus' Second Coming than the few I have noted here, but I wish to move on to the interpretation of significant historical events (usually only the bad ones). You would think a divine being that is supposed to encompass love and hope would pick better and less frightening actions in an effort to relay to mankind that such a divine being is due to arrive any minute.

     As you watch these clips and videos I want you to really listen to what the interpreter of the event is saying/claiming. Consider their reasoning and their supposed proof as they try to play an ill-advised game of connect the dots between religion and reality.

Here we go again with the processes of the planet being misinterpreted as signs of the End Times.

Dude, your so-called reports and incorrect conclusions are not proof of anything having to do with your delusional faith and its murderous inventor. Nothing like a self-righteous moron spouting off on how he has the truth and you don't.

This lady totally sounds like she popped a couple of Valium before the show and the moment she starts to speak is when the pills kick in.

Haahaaha!! Hal Lindsey looks like the love-child of Kaiser Wilhelm and Joseph Stalin.

Subduction of tectonic plates are not indicators of Jesus arriving real soon. They ARE indicators of the processes of this living planet.

I Am the Lamb
     How about those individuals who claim to be a prophet of God and Jesus, or who claim to be Jesus?

This guy looks like he could be Bruce Jenner's evil twin brother.

Why the hell would Jesus need bodyguards? You would think the power of being the Son of God would take care of everything. Whatever. He is another asshole leading an even bigger group of assholes.

I just do not understand how people can fall for the crap that people claiming to speak for God say. Who gives a shit. If they are stupid enough to believe that shit leave them to their own devices.

All religious cults try to make it look as though they have brought the supposed beauty of God's kingdom to earth. Big time stupid.

This guy desperately needs psychological medical attention before he implodes.

Three Cheers for Supernatural Powers
     Promises of supernatural powers have attracted many believers to various Bible-based faiths. Some of these claims are so ever-loving hilarious you cannot help but to wonder if these people listen to themselves.

This guy sounds like he took a couple hits of helium before he began his speech.

What better way to convert people to what you believe than to promise possession of special powers.

You know, for all of the power and ability that God is supposed to possess it seems as though He is always working through someone and never does anything for Himself. He is always passing the buck to some underling or other.

Believing in Jesus and the cracker jack of the Bible will give you amazing powers.

Believers will see miracles? You mean like when they see the Mother Mary in a ham sandwich or a dilapidated billboard?

Believers Need to Protect Themselves and Their Family

Raising your children to fear everything that is contrary to your own belief is an affront to good parenting.

Everything and anything that prevents non-believers from falling prey to the bullshit of religion is a plot of the devil.

Evil does not dominate the world. There are terrible and evil people in the world, yes. However, evil does not dominate the world. The uber-religious and spiritually deluded in the universe search far and wide for all things negative and scary so that they have some kind of truth as proof of their disjointed ramblings.


Another disconnected from reality speech that is an excellent argument for NOT allowing religion to happen to you.