Tuesday, May 7, 2013

The End Times: as Through the Eyes of the Delusional

The Rubbish of Rapture and Revelation:
Scaring People into Believing

     For the last two thousand years there has been no shortage of preachers, parishioners, and even entire religious groups claiming that the Second Coming of Jesus Christ is just around the corner. Now, either Jesus and God changed their minds as to who would be making another appearance, or that corner that must be turned in order to run into Jesus and the Tribulation must be one hell of a corner to turn. Two thousand years of pointless predictions and absolutely jack shit to show for it.

     Although the Bible states that no man knows the time of Jesus' supposed Second Coming that has not stopped some folks from trying to do just that. It is amazing how quickly people will take what they do not understand or what they think has never happened before and then chalk it all up to signs of Jesus' imminent return. Here are some predictions that completely flopped (the predictions ALWAYS flop) for you to take a gander at:

Predictions for 2013

This clip makes copious use of cheesy sounding music with lots and lots of trumpet sounds that I suppose are intended to come across to the viewer as the heralding of Jesus' return. It offers nothing new. Same crap, same lie.

More spooky music with a good peppering of some guy trying to sound like what God's or Jesus' voice would sound like.

You know, some people will do everything possible, and that includes making absurd 'connections' or stretching pure coincidence, to take every day circumstances and ascribe spiritual meaning to anything that validates the stupidity of religion. 

Predictions for 2012 Return of Jesus and Predictions MADE in 2012

Uhm, yeah...the "tornadoes on the sun" that you are referring to are solar flares. This is a natural for the sun. And for Pete's sake stop labeling everything you do not understand (including creepy sounds out of nowhere) as a sure sign of the end of the world.

Listen to the questions the voice in this clip is asking and then listen as the crowd responds with clapping. The voice asks, "Are you waiting for WWIII?" and everyone breaks out in applause. WTF?

Bible prophecy has absolutely dick to do with the natural geologic functions of this planet. Jesus does not fuck with the weather in an effort to warn man of his imminent return. 

Crack out your Bible and read the passages presented here and you will see how the religious ding-dongs of the world stretch the verses to fit their theories nice and snug.

This clip is so goddamn stupid it makes me angry. If what people are saying does not fit your religious prophecy all you have to do is play whatever they are saying BACKWARDS and then ascribe some deep and dark meaning to what you hear.

Why is the guy in this video whispering in an empty church?

Well, well, well. Nothing says Christianity is right like a Muslim converting to the proposed truth of the competing infidels.

This guy sounds like he has had two or three pots of coffee before he shot this video. His ideas are very disconnected and his examples of the ideas make no sense. Confucius say go home and come up with a better lie. This guy probably needs some Zoloft or lithium.

These guys are correct about seeing phenomenon but what they don't realize is they are NATURAL phenomenon.

This video is fairly long and if you plan to watch it all the way through I highly recommend you keep some booze handy.

Ah, Kenneth Copeland. This guy has been scaring people into the faith for many decades now.

Predictions for 2011

Here, a man resembling Kris Kringle (and sounding like he smoked a doobie right before his message transmission) gives his two cents worth of predictions.

Part two of the prophecy of Santa Clause.

Some people are so fucking stupid they actually make for good entertainment.

Another group vying for fifteen seconds of fame by making predictions of the Second Coming. 

This was too freaking funny to NOT put in the blog. 

Predictions for 2010

Oh my dear Jesus! This is hilarious!

The delusional fellow in this clip has carefully aligned his seat and his camera so that the cross in the background shows above his head.

Lady, it does not matter how sincere you are in your ridiculous religious claims. Sincerity is NOT a tool of validation.

What this guy fails to realize it that it isn't just the 2010 predictions that are false and stupid, but such things extend to the entire pie of religion. It is all a bunch of crap.

Situations Signaling Jesus' Imminent Return
     Of course there are far more predictions as to Jesus' Second Coming than the few I have noted here, but I wish to move on to the interpretation of significant historical events (usually only the bad ones). You would think a divine being that is supposed to encompass love and hope would pick better and less frightening actions in an effort to relay to mankind that such a divine being is due to arrive any minute.

     As you watch these clips and videos I want you to really listen to what the interpreter of the event is saying/claiming. Consider their reasoning and their supposed proof as they try to play an ill-advised game of connect the dots between religion and reality.

Here we go again with the processes of the planet being misinterpreted as signs of the End Times.

Dude, your so-called reports and incorrect conclusions are not proof of anything having to do with your delusional faith and its murderous inventor. Nothing like a self-righteous moron spouting off on how he has the truth and you don't.

This lady totally sounds like she popped a couple of Valium before the show and the moment she starts to speak is when the pills kick in.

Haahaaha!! Hal Lindsey looks like the love-child of Kaiser Wilhelm and Joseph Stalin.

Subduction of tectonic plates are not indicators of Jesus arriving real soon. They ARE indicators of the processes of this living planet.

I Am the Lamb
     How about those individuals who claim to be a prophet of God and Jesus, or who claim to be Jesus?

This guy looks like he could be Bruce Jenner's evil twin brother.

Why the hell would Jesus need bodyguards? You would think the power of being the Son of God would take care of everything. Whatever. He is another asshole leading an even bigger group of assholes.

I just do not understand how people can fall for the crap that people claiming to speak for God say. Who gives a shit. If they are stupid enough to believe that shit leave them to their own devices.

All religious cults try to make it look as though they have brought the supposed beauty of God's kingdom to earth. Big time stupid.

This guy desperately needs psychological medical attention before he implodes.

Three Cheers for Supernatural Powers
     Promises of supernatural powers have attracted many believers to various Bible-based faiths. Some of these claims are so ever-loving hilarious you cannot help but to wonder if these people listen to themselves.

This guy sounds like he took a couple hits of helium before he began his speech.

What better way to convert people to what you believe than to promise possession of special powers.

You know, for all of the power and ability that God is supposed to possess it seems as though He is always working through someone and never does anything for Himself. He is always passing the buck to some underling or other.

Believing in Jesus and the cracker jack of the Bible will give you amazing powers.

Believers will see miracles? You mean like when they see the Mother Mary in a ham sandwich or a dilapidated billboard?

Believers Need to Protect Themselves and Their Family

Raising your children to fear everything that is contrary to your own belief is an affront to good parenting.

Everything and anything that prevents non-believers from falling prey to the bullshit of religion is a plot of the devil.

Evil does not dominate the world. There are terrible and evil people in the world, yes. However, evil does not dominate the world. The uber-religious and spiritually deluded in the universe search far and wide for all things negative and scary so that they have some kind of truth as proof of their disjointed ramblings.


Another disconnected from reality speech that is an excellent argument for NOT allowing religion to happen to you.

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